


Toilet Paper

by nerdyiceskater



Category: The Lorien Legacies - Pittacus Lore
Genre: M/M, i apologize for this entire fic actually, i'm super bad with titles so please excuse this one, john is completely oblivious but you already knew that too, nine is a sarcastic asshole but what else is new, stohn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-06-04 04:36:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6641665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdyiceskater/pseuds/nerdyiceskater
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The tale as old as time: getting stuck on the toilet without toilet paper. John is the only one home, and Nine is desperate.</p>
<p>(and it's super short so you have no excuse not to read it)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Toilet Paper

Nine sat there, rather uncomfortably, staring at the empty cardboard roll positioned in front of him. He couldn’t help but feel as though he was being mocked by the roll, like he was being given the middle finger. There were no new rolls of toilet paper in the bathroom, and John was, of course, the only one currently in the penthouse, besides himself. Nine thought long and hard about his situation, going through every possible scenario. Finally, he lets out a sigh of defeat. Nine shouts, hoping John will hear him.

“Hey, John!”

Nothing at first. Nine tries again, louder.

“Hey, Johnny!”

A response comes. “What do you want, Nine?”

Nine hears shuffling, which must be John moving closer to the bathroom so he can hear better.

“Ahh…well,” Nine begins, “There…uhh…doesn’t seem to be any toilet paper in here, and I was, well-”

“You want me to get you another roll?” John, now just outside the bathroom door, cuts Nine off.

“If you wouldn’t mind.”

The awkward silence that follows is practically palpable. Nine shifts uncomfortably on the toilet seat. Then he hears a deep groan.

“Yeah, sure. Whatever, Nine,” John responds at last.

Nine sighs in relief as he listens to the quiet shuffle of John’s feet going off to retrieve Nine’s saving grace: the blessed roll of toilet paper.

The door cracks open just a bit, and Nine sees the roll being pushed through. He lets a small smirk split his face.

“Oh, c'mon, Johnny! Don’t be shy!” Nine exclaims.

“Shut up, Nine.”

“What? We’re both guys.”

“I don’t really want to see your dick right now. Just take the toilet paper so I can leave,” John replies, clearly unamused.

“Well, when would you like to see my dick?” Nine asks in a nonchalant tone.

“What?” John responds, confused.

“You said you didn’t want to see my dick right now, so I asked when you would want to see it.”

There’s another long silence. Clearly John wasn’t taking the hint.

Finally, Nine receives a reply, but it wasn’t quite the reply he was hoping for.

“Go screw yourself, Nine,” John says, dropping the roll and walking away.

“I’d rather you do it!” Nine calls after him. There’s no response.

So close.


End file.
